Seek, and you shall find, that bright spark, even in the darkest of the nights.
Sometimes those sparks are so vulnerable you wonder if they were really there. Then, they disappear, leaving you to question if hope ever existed, or it's just you wishing for hope to be there.
Back on the women's spinal ward at The Austin in Melbourne, there were 4 of us young girls in the room. 3 car accidents and 1 skiing disaster. It's amazing how tragedy brings people together; it still warms my heart thinking about the love and care we shared for each other.
We lied to each other everyday, telling each other we would walk again, and everything was going to be just fine. Sometimes we even planned shopping trips together...
"As soon as we get out of there, we'll hit Chapel St together, go clubbing, and I've invited the girls to come and stay with me in Sydney where we could go surfing at the beautiful Bondi beach…"
The truth was, even after spending 6 weeks together in the same room, I still didn't even know what the girls looked like.
2 of us were on neck traction the whole time in a big metal cage, bed bound.
I guess it didn't matter, we didn't have the strength to face each other anyway. The fantasy land we created for ourselves in the head was the only thing that got us through the nights and days.
To the girls that were with me through the long dark nights in Melbourne.
"How are you now? Did you get to go back to Chapel St? Did you get that green dress you wanted for your graduation ball? Did you kiss the waves at Bondi? Has life been kind to you?"
Minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days…
Then one day, one of us walked! The other girl with a broken neck walked.
It almost happened over night, she woke up one morning and started wiggling her thumbs, over the next few days, she was kicking her legs and standing on her feet. While the rest of us laying still in bed, she was walking to the lounge and having her meals in front of the TV.
Without a single trace of jealousy, we were ecstatic for her, for her family and for what destiny may hold for each one of us.
I still remember the moment her mother walked over to my bed, she held my hand and told me that her girl was just like me a few weeks earlier, and if i kept my hopes up, it would happen to me too.
Sadly, she lied.
Natural recovery never happened. However that was my little spark in the eternal darkness. No matter how little and remote, every spark can light up a fire.
Hope, that's all I had.
That's all I needed.